Yes the struggle was VERY real for me in 2014. I was very
impatient with people, I lost hope in humanity, and I wanted to give up on
everybody. I was so tired of trying to be this and that that it became
physically draining. I was so tired of being there for everybody. I would say
yes to everybody, which left me drained. I wanted to run away from everything.
I lost all the desire to attend school, to attend church, and ESPECIALLY work!
Every area of my life was being tested. I couldn't find comfort, I couldn’t
sleep at night. When I did sleep I never wanted to get up. I felt extremely out
of place everywhere I’d turned, either I was “too saved” or “not saved enough”.
I got tired of trying to please everybody.
I grew so tired of everything I remember
I came to the end of myself one day and had to really have a serious
surrendering moment with God. I left work that day. My body was there, but my
mind was so gone to the point I found myself staring off into space, on the
verge of crying while ringing out customers. I was falling apart, I was
suffering in silence. I didn't want people to see me falling apart so I tried
to hide it. I became so good at playing the “I’m Okay” I started to believe
that I was okay until I was alone and had to really face reality, until that day. I could no
longer carry the burden I placed on myself any longer. I was desperate to be free from
this “try hard” life that I lived. I needed God to take all my worries and
cares.
2014 showed me how much I really needed Jesus. We can sing a
song about how we need Jesus all day long but until you are stretched, broken,
and hurting deeply you won’t realize the need for a savior. My parents couldn't
help me, even my Bishop tried to help me, medicine couldn't work neither talking
to a psychiatrist. I knew I needed Jesus. But I didn't know how to get Him. So
I kept trying to be great at everything and kept falling short. After a long
year of trying and trying to earn Jesus, I finally learned through reading the
bible and a book called “Grace for the good girl” by Emily Freeman that I can’t
earn Jesus, he was a gift from God given to me not by anything I could ever do
but because God loved me that much. I
could have my whole life in order, and still not earn His love. It was freely
given. The best gift ever given to me was freely given.
In 2015, I am determined to live free from a “try hard”
life. I no longer want to be controlled by my to-do lists, my goals, and my
plans. All of that is great but God is the author of my life, what he intends
to happen will happen according to his will, not mine. It sucks I wasted a
whole year of trying to earn something I already had.
But now I’m just so at peace now
knowing that I still have Jesus, if I turn in an assignment late at school I STILL
have Jesus. If I forget to set my alarm and end up late for work I STILL have
Jesus. If I fail a class, I STILL have Jesus. Nothing can separate me from the
love of God. I am FREE!
2014 taught me some very valuable lessons. I realized my
self-worth, and am DETERMINED not to ever settle for anything less than I
deserve again. It has taught me to love people and to show more compassion towards
them. It has taught me to trust more in the Lord. It made me wiser, and
stronger that’s for sure.
I’m expecting 2015 to be my best year yet! I know very many
people say that than we end up having a bad year. But I seriously believe 2015
will be awesome! The bible says think of those things which are good, well why not expect a good year! Of course it will come with it's own challenges and trials but God is still able to make it a great year despite. I’m looking forward to what God is going to do this year, I’m expecting tremendous blessings, and prayers to be answered! I trust the
Lords plans for my life. I trust that He will work all things out for my good
and that He will never leave me nor forsake me. He is my strong tower, my
provider, my strength.
I wanted to share this, because I know I wasn't the only one who had a rough year. And I needed encouragement just as the next person, but I also wanted to know I wasn't alone. I hope that this will be encouraging to someone somewhere. We all have seasons of our lives when they are just downright HARD! But God is STILL in control!
My prayer is that all of you who are reading this will too expect greater this year! If you struggled with trying to earn God's love, STOP! It is yours, freely given. Don't let the things of this world consume you. Be still, and know that God is in control, He is your help and your strength. Don't be discouraged if you are waiting on God to do something in your life, don't give up on praying to Him about the things that concern you. You are His child, He cares for you! He is for you, He has not forgotten about you! He has heard your prayers. I realized that in my darkest moments when I was so eager to hear from God he was quiet. He wanted me to just rest, and trust Him. During your storm rest like Jesus did! Don't let life consume you! It's not worth it! Be blessed (:
I wanted to share this, because I know I wasn't the only one who had a rough year. And I needed encouragement just as the next person, but I also wanted to know I wasn't alone. I hope that this will be encouraging to someone somewhere. We all have seasons of our lives when they are just downright HARD! But God is STILL in control!
My prayer is that all of you who are reading this will too expect greater this year! If you struggled with trying to earn God's love, STOP! It is yours, freely given. Don't let the things of this world consume you. Be still, and know that God is in control, He is your help and your strength. Don't be discouraged if you are waiting on God to do something in your life, don't give up on praying to Him about the things that concern you. You are His child, He cares for you! He is for you, He has not forgotten about you! He has heard your prayers. I realized that in my darkest moments when I was so eager to hear from God he was quiet. He wanted me to just rest, and trust Him. During your storm rest like Jesus did! Don't let life consume you! It's not worth it! Be blessed (:
Happy New Years everyone!