Good, grief.

This morning my mom called. She had called me late last night but I was asleep. This morning she called again and I instantly knew something was off. I woke up this morning expecting to have a great day just because I went to bed at a good time the night before and woke up and made a smoothie. I've always hated Mondays, a lot of the worse days of my life or most frustrating days seemed to be on Mondays. Today was no different. I called my mom back and she begin to tell me that my cousin Edward aka "Junior" died last night. Not only did he die but he died in the basement of my Aunts, his mom's house. The same place my other cousin Eric died 5 years ago. They were brothers, Eric was the youngest. I was heartbroken and instantly broke out in tears.

Eric was one of my favorite cousins on my mom's side of the family, we shared a love for art. When he died just 8 days after I moved to Dallas, I was devastated. I moved to Dallas on July 7, 2017, and he died on July 15th. The craziest thing is I just saw him on July 4th at our family reunion in Ohio. As always we were so happy to see each other. I miss hearing him call me by my nickname "Riss". He knew I would be moving to Dallas in just a few days so he told me how proud he was of me and that he wanted to go back to school for art and I was so happy to hear that. Eric was so good at drawing, I remember wanting to be just as good as him one day. When my mom called me on July 15th early that Saturday morning, I didn't think it was to tell me that Eric had died in my aunt's basement. I was devastated. I still to this day think about him and miss him. I wish I could see him sitting outside my aunt's house one more time.

Today to now know that Junior died, in the same place brings back so much sadness all over again. Grief is strange. You think you're okay and over something and then something happens that can take you right back to a previous grievance. I've been struggling a lot these past few years with loss and disappointment but I was just starting to feel okay. My friend Eboni hit it on the nail perfectly earlier in saying that "just when you think you can catch your breath something else happens that knocks the wind out of you again." That's been my life for a while now. From losing family members, and friends, life changes, and all the in-betweens. My heart hurts and I'm tired. 

But in my sadness, reality sat in that often accompanies death. That reality is that eternity is always near. None of us know when our lives will end yet most of us live as though it never will. My cousin's death reminded me that this life is very short. No matter if I live to see one hundred, one hundred years is nothing compared to eternity. His death reminded me that there is a mission that I and every believer in Christ must be focused on. That mission is telling people we know about The Gospel and making disciples in Christ Jesus. The Gospel is so comforting in times of sorrow and grief because it reminds the believer that pain will not always be a part of our story. That sadness will not always overtake us. That this life is only temporary. That eternal rest is coming. No more pain.

A quote that I love and try to live by is 

“If you live for the next world, you get this one in the deal; but if you live only for this world, you lose them both.” - CS Lewis

This quote reminds me that I have to keep my eyes on eternity and share the good news with those I love so that they can experience eternal joy and rest with Jesus. I pray that you also will remember that this life is short, it is not worth getting so wrapped up in the cares of this world that we miss the next that Jesus offers those who live for Him. 

1 Corinthians 2:9
But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him”—

Luke 23:43
And he said to him, “Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in paradise.”

Matthew 6:19-21 
“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Colossians 3:2
Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.

Matthew 24:35
Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away.

Revelation 21:4 <3
‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

If you are reading this and you don't know Jesus as your Lord and Savior, I want to encourage you to give your life to Him.  Jesus loves you so much that He died a terrible death for you and me. He loves you so much that He is coming back one day to take us from this pain and hurt. He loves you so much that He desires a relationship with you. Romans 10:9-10 says "that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth, confession is made unto salvation." Don't delay your salvation, tomorrow is never promised and my heart for you as well as Jesus's is that your salvation is secure in Him.

A prayer for the brokenhearted<3

Lord, thank you to whoever takes the time to read this blog and any of the others. I pray that it encourages and inspires them to seek you, put you first, or give their life to you. Lord, life is hard and filled with so many challenges, death being one of the hardest to get through. I pray for all of those who are mourning a loved one, mourning the loss of an opportunity, mourning a failed relationship, or a lost friend or family member, I know Lord that your word says you are close to the brokenhearted and you save those who are crushed in Spirit. Today I am crushed Lord and I know I am not alone. Please give us the strength to press forward, to trust in your sovereignty when life is hard and doesn't make sense. Lord, you know what we need to get through this storm please provide it, your comfort and your peace that surpasses all understanding. You are good Lord, even though this hurts, you are good! Please grant us grace as we journey through grief. I pray that your supernatural power will help us through Lord. We thank you that you love us and you're always near. Help us to cast all of our cares on you, In Jesus' Name, AMEN.

To my cousins, Eric and Junior,
I love you and I'll never forget you guys.

<3 Marissa