I'm a good girl, BUT I'm not perfect. However growing up this is the what I've been called, and I've learned to accept that I am different from a lot of other girls well young women now. Not to sound like I'm better than anyone but I was definitely raised differently than most, and from a young girl I was taught to carry myself a certain way, act, think, and walk a certain way. My parents invested a lot of time in teaching me the ways in which I should go, the things I should and should't do, the friends I shouldn't or should have. They helped mold me into the woman I am today.
I don't have a long list of things I've done that will have people look at me like I'm crazy, but I do have A list just like everyone else!! Often times I feel like I'm not "out there" enough to have a testimony for encourage people, help them, but whoever said your testimony had to be this big dramatic tell it all, crazy filled story anyways? I believe that is the enemy trying to convince me yet again that I am not important enough, and that my story is not worthy enough to encourage someone or anyone. However I choose to ignore it, because I know I am not the only young woman who has struggled with being the "outcast" the one who tries to do everything right all the time!
It wasn't how I was born, it was how I was raised. I am my mom's first child, and only girl. She was very strict when it came to me, and would worry herself sick over me regarding the simplest things. Needless to say I am a mommy's girl and take great pride in it, I love my mommy with all of my heart! I am the second oldest daughter of my dads, and I've been a daddy's girl since birth! My dad has high expectations for me, and wants the very best for me. I've never wanted to disappoint him so I've tried to be the "good daughter". Both of my parents mean the world to me. Growing up, even when I would lie to them about little things, that would effect me so much! I didn't want to lie to them..ever, matter of fact, before I could even finish the lie, I'd end up just telling them the truth. I was and still is a sucker for my parents lol.
As I grew older the fear of disappointing my parents, transferred over into my now Adult Christian life. When I say that I mean, by me learning early on how to honor and respect my parents, and to obey them it has helped me to learn how to obey God as well. Being that my dad is a Christian, I learned early on the do's and don'ts, the ten commandments, the things God didn't want us to do, and the things He did want us to do. So I tried my hardest from early childhood to adulthood to honor that.
I remember growing up I was so tired of lien and disobeying my parents (notice I didn't say God, I wasn't at the point in my life where God was the Master in my life, my parents were) that I told myself I wouldn't lie anymore. And so I tried not to lie, I was doing good for a few days, and than I failed, needless to say I kept failing. What I thought was me trying to help get myself together, was actually what you would call self-righteous. "Confident of one’s own righteousness, especially when smugly moralistic and intolerant of the opinions and behavior of others.Read more:http://www.gotquestions.org/self-righteousness.html#ixzz38Eeehp9U"
And that I was, I didn't really know God for myself! So I thought I had to do it all by myself, I had to be "self-made". Boy, was I lost and it wasn't until I finally gave my life to Christ completely when I realized how lost I really was.
Being a good girl, has kept me from experiencing A LOT! Most would say I'm boring, inexperienced because of it, and others (usually older adults) will say I dodged a lot of bullets, saved myself from a lot of hurt and heartbreak! I wrestle with that often because to this very day even though I'm 21 years old when people tease me about not knowing much about certain things it effects me for some reason. No one likes to be the outcast, I definitely don't, but as time passes I've learned to just deal with it.
I guess I should address what others have defined me as being a "Good girl" by so that you can understand all of this better. Well, I'm a virgin, I've never smoked, had a drink, I've never been kissed, I've been to a club before, & wanted to cry because I wanted to leave so bad because of how uncomfortable I felt. I've never had a real boyfriend, I've had "title" friends, guys who I would call mu boyfriend but we never would do anything. I've said a few curse words before in my life to fit in. I bet you're still stuck on the "I've never been kissed" part huh? It's not life guys never tried, growing up me kissing a guy was just disgusting to me for some reason, I always believed the first person I would become intimate with I had to love, and I was adamant in waiting for marriage so I knew not to start that train up. I remember I had a "title" friend and he "tried" to kiss me, I pulled away so fast!!!! lol. He was so mad at me (shrugs). I remember telling that same boy that I was going to wait until marriage, and he said something to the effect that I wouldn't last pass high school! I laughed at him, and the rest is history. And not to mention me being a Christian now has really made the "Good Girl" title preeminent.
This is not something I can turn on and off. Trust me for the approval of others I have tried to turn it off, but I would always end up in tears of regret for ever trying to change myself for the approval of others. I am far from perfect!!! But I believe there are still people left in this world, who try and try to do the right thing, and live a decent life, with the right attitude. We fail daily, and are in need of God's grace DAILY just like everyone else!
It is nothing but the Grace of God that I am who I am today! His grace and favor over my life has kept me, and I'm so thankful! I'm thankful that He has given me great parents who love me, and I'm thankful that He is has kept me from a lot of heartache. I'm truly grateful!
So to all the good girls out there who are feeling like an outcast, BE THE OUTCAST, AND BE IT WELL! You're just as important to God as the girls who has it all backwards! God can use you just as much as He can use the girl with the drug problem. We are all works in progress! Some of us take longer than others. Be encouraged sisters, YOU ARE OKAY! Keep striving to live for God, He will keep you!
I would like to recommend this book to you as well because I know first hand how much pressure comes from being a "Good girl" all the time. I'm only on page 85 and I've been highlighting like crazy!
I hope this blog has encouraged you in some way, God bless!