If you're single like me, February may bring about some anxiety and maybe even insecurities. I will be honest and say I have dreaded Valentines day for many years now. The fear that I may forever be single creeps in the most around this time of year.
I get it. You've probably thought last year was going to look different and you ended up spending it alone without a significant other. You've probably prayed the same prayer a thousand times. Like most single Christian women, "Lord, where is my Boaz?". (I wonder what guys pray, Lord send my Ruth? Hmm... I digress). Maybe you've given up on the idea that it will happen for you. I get it. Maybe you've grown cynical and weary in your wait. I get it.
I get it. Every spiritual and practical thing that can be said, has been said to help singles get through the difficult lonely seasons that come with it. Some great, some harmful, and some just outright unnecessary. Like the notion "you have to be content before God sends you a mate" or that you have to do XYZ before he comes. Listen contentment is a journey, just like everything else. It will come in waves, you will have seasons where it is easier than others. I do believe that you have to get to a place where you know and trust that God is God and that He is enough. However for the rest of your life you will continue to have to get to that place. You're not going to get there and then BOOM your content for the rest of your life. It's a wrestle, its a struggle, it takes work, it takes practice, it will take the help of the Holy Spirit. Paul had to learn contentment. In Philippians 4:11, Paul's states "Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have LEARNED in whatever situation I am to be content." You will have to learn to be content, and that's okay! While you're learning to be content, you can also still desire marriage! Both can exist simultaneously.
Being single when you desire to be married is a battle for so many believing Christians. We start to wonder if God even cares or hears our prayers. We look to scripture for answers and come across stories like Ruth, Hannah or even Esther and wonder God is there someone out there for me. We look at romantic movies and hope for our own happily ever after. We see our friends getting engaged, married, and on their 3rd child. For a lot of women, they're at a certain age where the chances of being able to conceive a child is slimmer than before. Family members we'd hoped to have at our wedding pass away. Our younger siblings beat us to getting married. Or maybe you've been married before or have come super close to getting married and it failed. No matter your circumstance I'm sure you've experienced what it feels like to have your hope deffered.
As I write this I think about the seasons I've endured through my singleness and I look back and know for certain it was God carrying me through this whole time. But what if thats what its all about anyways? God using this season to help us to see that we need to depend on Him completely. Singleness has made me cling to Christ in the same way that marriage would. Whatever season we are in our dependency should be on Christ. God wants us to be dependent on Him and Him alone. Anytime we place our dependency, worth and value in anything apart from Him, we are idol worshipping.
I know it's difficult, the Lord knows as well. He knows what our hearts desires. He also knows the future and what our hearts desires can lead us to. In His infinite wisdom, He knows that sometimes a delay and a no is what's best for us. That's hard to understand. I'm sure that is why the Bible tells us to lean not on our own understanding (Proverbs 3:5) because when we do it can cause havoc in our brains and weariness in our hearts.
Our ways are not His ways. Isaiah 55:8-9 says “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
I can't tell you how long you'll be single nor can I give you 10 steps to finding a spouse. What I can tell you is that God wants us to be dependent on Him. He wants us to trust in Him and rest in knowing that He is sovereign. Marriage doesn't change this, having a significant other doesn’t change it and definitely not having children. We would still need to be dependant on Him. In marriage we would have to be dependant on Him not only for ourselves but for our spouse and our children as well. What a great responsibility.
Depending on God is hard enough in singleness. Thats the beauty of walking with God, He will sustain us in every season rather that is singleness or marriage, with children or without when we are dependent on Him.
God is pursuing us in our singleness just as He would in a marriage. He wants a relationship with us now just as He would if we were married. He wants us to be dependent on Him now just as we should in marriage.
I hope and pray that you will begin to see how God is using the season you're in for His glory and for your good. I know it's hard and I know you're probably tired but please continue to depend on Him. Cling to Him. Tell Him your fears, worries and insecurities. He wants a relationship with you and that's one that will last forever and ever and ever.
Lord,
So many of your children are praying for spouses, some for children, others just to survive another day. Father I know that you're capable and able to do all things. Help those who are struggling right now to cling to you. Those who are weary in waiting. Those who are hopeless and afraid. I pray Father that you will fill their hearts with joy, peace and gratitude for what you are doing right now in their lives. Help them to see their need for you today, help them to remember that you are in control. Whatever they are facing or may be going through, is in your complete control. Lord use this season to bring about your purposes. Help us to desire your will above our own. You are all knowing, all powerful and we can surely trust you with our lives, with our desires, even with our singleness. Thank you for giving us a hope, thank you for giving us a promise; that if we place our faith and trust in you, all things will work together for our good. Help us to rest in that truth.
In Jesus name,
AMEN.